Crystal Ball Stock Analyst T-Shirts

"Relax, Eddie. Our research division says the fundamentals look good."

'I foresee a few more months of creating havoc without consequences, and then, yes, I see the 'cute' factor will start to wear thin...'

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

Quantum Psychic

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."

"I know you think this sort of thing is nonsense sir, and I hate to prove you wrong. But according to my crystal ball, you're not going to give me the raise I'm about to ask for."

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

Windows or Mac?

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

"I used to be a medium, but now I'm a large."

YOU HAVE A VERY LARGE GENIUS GRANT LINE.

"Oh, it's you, I'm glad I picked up.You wouldn't believe how many annoying telepathicmarketing calls I get."

'Before we begin, let me see what my fortune cookie says.'

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

'You see me coming here every week and paying you fifty dollars...'

Psychic car mechanics.

'You will never require the services of a dating agency.'

'Can you get me in touch with people that own me money?'

'You will be reincarnated as someone who undergoes past life regression.'

Hog Futures

'I only make predictions in retrospect.'

Big Medium

"Beware of start-ups with a negative cash flow."

You will go on a trip.

Fortune teller: 'If you want a second opinion, my sister reads tarot cards.'

'You will go 3 for 5 tomorrow.'

A psychic predicts the discovery of gluten.

"Hi everyone, thanks for channeling in to help me with my ancestry project."

'I see a bright future, a transformation: Beauty, wings, elegance...'

"I see many gifts. They say do not open till Christmas."

"This is very mysterious. I can't seem to pick up anything at all about you, but I see 'Ivan the Terrible' coming to the Thalia."

'What're you doing, kid? You keep spoiling my surprise!'

'I can see much grief, suffering and misfortune ahead - and you'll always be dogged by extremely bad luck - but, the good news is you're going to live to a very old age!'

'You will make big bucks, then you'll give it all away to reduce your taxes.'