Cryptic Conversationalist Gifts

'You talk in riddles!' 'I'M A POET!

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

My wife's been talking to the skin I shed for over an hour.

"Do you think the birds like me?"

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

"Is it just me, right, is it just me ...?"

"Now can I be in one of your comics?"

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

"Why do people talk about a rat's nest like it's a bad thing?"

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"Want to score some flu shots.?"

'I just like tequila for the worm.'

'It's not so much you having a cockroach problem - it's more along the lines of us having a human problem.'

"I'm suffering the unbearable loneliness of being right on the internet."

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten

You mixed your DNA with that of a carrot? I've created a giant loud-mouthed left-leaning vegetable. Some would say that's redundant. Very funny. It's worse that that. The carrot doesn't share just my politics … You smell beautiful, like ranch dressing on a spring day. I do like a tall vegetable.

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

"Sofia, right? You hung out in the back of Professor Dillof’s anatomy lectures."

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious day when you're ripe and not yet mealy?"

"You sure are ringin' my bell, Baby!"

'This month I'll be cooked & my bones ripped apart in a wishing contest.'

"Hey, do you want to be in my bubble?"

Celebrity anagrams: Is a salt water rat (Answer: Alastair Stewart)

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

"Don't worry, I'm a doctor."

"Develop your social skills. Share information about yourself so people will want to talk to you." "I like to dissect animals."