Crying Connoisseur Gifts

'She got all the soap opera channels at a discount -- it's some kind of 'frequent cryer' program.'

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

New and improved! BunkerBuster! Get out of the sand trap every single time - or your money back!!

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

'He likes to power nap.'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

Night of the Latkes

Farm Humor.

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

The Trojan Beagle.

Happy Hour

Bangers and Mash

Emergency Phone.

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

The Snarky District

"You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the heck else are you talking... you talking to me?"

10 Good Things about a Minnesota Winter.

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

Girl who can't cook meets guys who can't fix stuff.

'Satchel, I have just had a revelation.'

"Oh boy charades! I love charades! Something big? Is it a bird? It's sharp! Behind? Above?"

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."