Crusty Comedians Pillows

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"Think outside the box but never forget who owns the box."

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"Have you and Tim picked out a name for the career obstacle yet?"

My brilliant career

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

'Not here - home!'

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

"They're born into captivity, it's all they know."

The new boss brought a sense of urgency.

'Item 56, we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings.'

Actual Extent Of Doug's Off - Road Adventures (Touching the kerb)

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

"You want answers?" "I want the truth!" "You can't handle the infinite explanation of cosmological arguments relating to the truth!"

"We're to stop talking about 'budget cuts'. Apparently it's depressing for staff and clients..."

Man leaving his office with his computer tangled around his leg,

"When all else fails, blow darts still get their attention."

"Sorry, you can't cash in your vacation time. Since you didn't use it, tell it Bon Voyage!"

College student cleans messy dorm room littered with clothes with leafsnow blower

"Ok Watson, what have you dreamed up?"

"I've called this meeting so I could see all of you squirm."

My client is claiming that you have discriminated against him as a species, that your refusal to let him sniff client's bottoms is against his canine rights and that your policies have acted against him reaching partnership.

"Want to go watch the people who get to leave at a normal hour?"

"Matt, you look like you just saw a ghost who fired you!"

'The firm is downsizing, Oglethorpe -- tell everybody to scrunch up.'

Hirer to employee handing him lighted hat: 'You'll be starting at the bottom.'

'Don't hesitate to critize me, Herb, whenever I think I am wrong.'

"If the jumper cables don't work, I'll pour more motor oil on the keys."

'This associate has a first rate mind...and a third rate suit.'

'Botox.'

'Oh yeah, ths boss is going to love the new hire.'

'I hired a motivational speaker once, but unfortunately all of my employees left to get better jobs.'

It turns out people aren't buying our product because it's stupid.

Cover story: Oil Workers Monthly.