Crib Comedians Pillows

"They're born into captivity, it's all they know."

'That is one absorbent nappy.'

"Oh Oh... I Think I'm Stuck!"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"This position has become very important to the company."

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

"It was better before God took up knitting."

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

"I hate performance review season."

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"Think outside the box but never forget who owns the box."

'He was only reaching for his powerpoint presentation pointer.'

"Have you and Tim picked out a name for the career obstacle yet?"

Shake it all about sign on desk

'Here's another one that'll make you blow your stack.'

My brilliant career

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

'Here comes the boss. Quick, look busy!'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

'Not here - home!'

"They don't pull their punches here, do they."

"Back when I was your age the only way to get a promotion was kissing butt."

'Congratulations on your purchase of the new Kablooey! Desk Organizer! Instructions for use...'

'Hey, I'm not paying you people to watch the clock. That's Henderson's job.'

Torn-Off Mouse.

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

The new boss brought a sense of urgency.

"I misjudged you Fenton. I thought you were a 'mover and shaker' but all the time you were just bobbing and weaving."

''A desk job.' That's what they called it at the interview.' 'Same here.' 'SHH!'

'Item 56, we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings.'

"It is what it is."

I can outsource your job to someone who'll work longer hours for less money. Less money I can understand...but how do they make the hours longer than 60 minutes?