Crude Comedian Pillows

Cover story: Oil Workers Monthly.

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

"Again? This is the last time I'm letting you wear the pants with the little zipper."

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

Motorherd

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

Optimist

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

'He's normally not affectionate, but he's really taken a liking to you!'

"He can never take anything serious. Everything's a joke."

"One group gets tiny copies of the 'Times,' the other gets tiny copies of the 'Post.'"

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

Rattlecornsnake

"Well they are fake ducks, Honey, but not quite decoyish enough."

"Ahhh! Ha-ha! Exactly what I said when I was pulled over. Dipstick!"

"Aha! - Proof that this is definitely an iron-age site..."

"Repeat after me... We are vegan... We are vegan..."

'If the drain's clogged with food, why not clean it out with some high fiber bran flakes?'

"Let's see how brave you are without your gun."

'My wife, my rancher, his artificial insemination device!'

Canoeing Incorrectly

'Where are you going, I already locked out that pump.' - 'CARL'S on shift!'

Funeral for a Cartoonist

'You can't come in to play unless you wear cushions on your feet - My Dad's got a headache!'

"Two minutes out of the water and he's already evolvier-than-thou."

"Maybe you just can't tell a joke."

"It's trouble for Chubby when Mitzi brings out the vacuum."

"It just started as a list of his faults, and just evolved into a horror novel."

Uri Geller's cutlery drawer. All of the spoons in the drawer a bent.

Pick your own fruit - Pick your own nose

"Morning! Are the fish biting?"