Critique Connoisseurs Gifts

'In future in addition to the usual access to customers address books, photographs and friends we'll want information on...'

Reading my Critics

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

"That was totally....what's the word I'm looking for?"

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

The writers group met every Tuesday for support and fellowship.

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

"My kid could do that."

Sculptor's chippings

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

"Poor bastard. The New York 'Times' just panned his zinfandel."

'Look on it as... constructive criticism.'

'Let me guess: you and everyone else?'

"The first three chapters read like they were written by some guy on a couch."

Barbed Pen

"He's a mental-health critic."

"It's too academic."

Film Critic

'... And that's all from this bulletin. But I'll be back with more bad news at six.'

Big deal! If you were smart, you'd have waited for the price of gold to go up. Everyone's a critic.

"Are you talking to me?"

Algernon Swinburne

Crazy Ideas

Now Showing: "Mucky Wucky" Rated Z. That means Roger Ebert slept through it.

Comment on food.

"But you got some good reviews too, yeah?"

"That outfit is a nasty mix of stripes and patterns."

'So, Bob, we've decided to do some rebranding!'

"The editor who turned down the first Harry Potter book, say hello to the publisher who took a pass on Stephen King."

"If there's anything we can do to make your stay more pleasant, just rant about it all over the Internet."

A great coach provides honest and constructive feedback, even when it's not what the other person wants to hear."

'I'll be frank with you -- to adequately represent you in Congress, I have to be a crook.'

"This I like."