Internet Critique Connoisseurs Gifts

The problem is, these free music downloads on the internet are killing the Siberian kazoo folk-pop trio industry.

Reading my Critics

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

The writers group met every Tuesday for support and fellowship.

Totalitarian Humour

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

"I was punctuating sentences long before you guys came along!"

"My kid could do that."

'This year, Sire, I've created a socko narrative of scatological raillery and rollicking nihilism which ends with a sexy justification for third quarter losses.'

Sculptor's chippings

The anti-social network: 'Hey Jeffrey...I need help setting up my dad's anti-social network.'

"Poor bastard. The New York 'Times' just panned his zinfandel."

"What was the point of writing a blog that nobody else could read?"

'Look on it as... constructive criticism.'

'Let me guess: you and everyone else?'

Barbed Pen

"Practicing my hate-face."

"Yeah, but this is a cat on a skateboard being arrested by a cop with a tattoo of the Confederate flag!"

"The first three chapters read like they were written by some guy on a couch."

"He's a mental-health critic."

Our Mission: "Who are we trying to kid? It's just one day at a time around here!"

Film Critic

Internet Commenter Magazine.

Sadie, I want to show you something. This is a great new Youtube video. Check it out. That's some random person doing hula hoop and singing a show tune. That. Makes. Me. So. Mad. Action. Aaaaahhhh.

The First Asshole

"The gods must be on-line tonight."

"In the old days people with small dicks needed big cars. Today they write hate comments against Greta Thunberg."

"It's too academic."

Please do not give insider tips to the bears.

'... And that's all from this bulletin. But I'll be back with more bad news at six.'

Big deal! If you were smart, you'd have waited for the price of gold to go up. Everyone's a critic.

"That outfit is a nasty mix of stripes and patterns."

Comment on food.