Crisis Of Faith Gifts

"I've decided to pursue a profession where religion doesn't play such an important role."

'I'd like to drop this whole believing in God thing.'

'The BOSS sent me down to help rebuild your faith.'

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

'No, I didn't get a presidential pardon, but I got something better. God has forgiven me.'

'Ever since we converted the church into a jail, everyone is finding Jesus.'

"Love is the temporary illusion that you're not alone in the universe"

"He's mad at God."

'That's all for tonight, God. Stay tuned.'

"I refuse to go down with the ship."

'Tell me Jennifer, is there someone else?'

"We had 17 first time viewers on the live stream sermon today." (pastor talking to his wife)

"I think you've got the wrong person - I'm an atheist."

"Your husband is fooling around."

'Everyone has their purpose in God's plan my son. Yours is to be a pain in the arse.'

"Lately, we've been getting a number of white males in their thirties seeking sanctuary."

'Turbulence. That's ok, I'm used to it. I'm married.'

'Dad, I've joined the baptists.'

'Not bad - a bit preachy.'

"...But am I a cartoonist because I can't make it as a stand up?"

"That cross is not divine. It's a symbol of how out of control things can get when a teenager lies about how she got pregnant."

Disorganized Religion

"Last night, I challenged your god to a duel. I won by default because he never showed."

Cheesus

Covid Timer

Occupy God's Vacuum

Holy Water.

'She thinks I'm full of hot air.'

"Oh, come on, Jack. That's not fair – you're taking all my infidelities out of context!"

"I need to change my life...I'll just change my profile."

"Where can I find 'Self-Help' and 'Spirituality'?"

"It restricts my circulation and is rapidly losing its shine - that's my marriage, not the ring."