Crisis Of Faith Gifts

"I've decided to pursue a profession where religion doesn't play such an important role."

'I'd like to drop this whole believing in God thing.'

'The BOSS sent me down to help rebuild your faith.'

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

'No, I didn't get a presidential pardon, but I got something better. God has forgiven me.'

"Love is the temporary illusion that you're not alone in the universe"

'That's all for tonight, God. Stay tuned.'

"I refuse to go down with the ship."

'Tell me Jennifer, is there someone else?'

"We had 17 first time viewers on the live stream sermon today." (pastor talking to his wife)

"Your husband is fooling around."

"I think you've got the wrong person - I'm an atheist."

'Everyone has their purpose in God's plan my son. Yours is to be a pain in the arse.'

'Turbulence. That's ok, I'm used to it. I'm married.'

"That cross is not divine. It's a symbol of how out of control things can get when a teenager lies about how she got pregnant."

"...But am I a cartoonist because I can't make it as a stand up?"

"Lately, we've been getting a number of white males in their thirties seeking sanctuary."

'Not bad - a bit preachy.'

Covid Timer

Cheesus

"Oh, come on, Jack. That's not fair – you're taking all my infidelities out of context!"

Holy Water.

"Last night, I challenged your god to a duel. I won by default because he never showed."

'She thinks I'm full of hot air.'

"Where can I find 'Self-Help' and 'Spirituality'?"

Sign your marriage is in trouble.

"It restricts my circulation and is rapidly losing its shine - that's my marriage, not the ring."

When angels go awry.