Crime Strategist Pillows

'In this job you can go forward, backward or sideways.'

'If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten!'

Nelson Mandela in despair over the crime rates in SA.

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

"I feel like bad guys aren't as scared of me in the summer."

'What's wrong with those Europeans? We have more murders in this city than England, France Germany and Spain combined.'

Mayhem, Inc. Part 29

"I don't have my law degree yet but I've got an internship down in cell block 'D'."

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

OK! I promise that the questions will be easy!

"Don't editorialize."

"Number 2. Step forward please."

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

Violent Crime Statistics

'Keep an eye on that one. He looks like a sketchy character to me.'

'I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go, Richter. The crime rate has dropped.'

'You know, this is a pretty dangerous line of work you're in...'

'The police is looking for a teenager who reads books... I bet they'll never solve this case!'

'If you'll excuse me, my car is on fire.'

"When I grow up I'm going to be a police officer and follow in my dad's footsteps."

'We want more police on our streets!' 'WHAT?! Do you have any idea how dangerous it is out there?'

"They've solved the cause of death of Richard III."

"Take your time, sir. Tell me if you can see the thief."

'With the kind cooperation of the underworld, we present live, for the first time on TV, an actual holdup.'

"Brutus! Attack with reasonable force!"

"Excellent! It's the disclosure documents for your hearing on Monday."

Gangster's To-Do List

Ignorance of the Law

'So far we don't have any suspects.'

A convict escaping during the press scrum

"We can't put you in a Witness-Protection Program unless you actually witnessed something."

'Was Monty the culprit? Had he fixed a horse race? He couldn't remember.'

"Don't worry, honey. This is just for our murder podcast."

Gullboy and Pigeonman