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Police Line Up: 'This is useless.'

'Don't you people ever take a pulse? ! '

"I'm not a rat. I'm a person who ratted you out. There's a difference. You need to accept that so we can get past it."

"Talk Jobson, or I put the new Celine Dion CD on."

"Today's sermon is based on the story of Cain and Abel, or as I like to call it, CSI: Eden..."

"You think he's your friend? He's in there right now ratting you out."

Solicitors looking for charitable contributions. One solicitor has a gun.

"Got caught robbing Peter to pay Paul. But they were really after Paul – and offered me a reduced sentence for my testimony against him."

'If you let me chase you through that field so I can get my dash-cam video on TV, I'll forget all about this little speeding incident!'

'Well, sweetie, I hope youse enjoyed Take Yer Daughter t' Woik Day... Unfortunately, now y' know too much!'

"I lined the pockets myself."

Loin of duty

"Your smartphone knows too much!"

Good carp/Bad carp

"You're under arrest for an attempted murder."

'A fine? It's not as though I ran over more than one building inspector.'

' Looks like Coco The Crack Dealer's back on the streets..'

"When I first saw you on TV, I just knew you were innocent of stalking"

Bent Police Dogs

'We're cracking down on prostitutes, McNaught...not prosthetics.'

'He puts on a big tough-guy front, but he cried and cried during the 'Sopranos' finale.'

'Oh my God, they took my World Cup tickets!!!'

'He got as far as the door before I clobbered him with a salami.'

"Hi I'm ringing on behalf of your husband.He's been held up."

"I'm sorry- when you said 'bad' cop, I assumed you meant incompetent."

'...this model's got plenty of trunk space. Shoot, you could practically sleep in there.'

Rough game last night, then?

'No suspicious circumstances here chief. Just some old rich dude who spoiled himself rotten.'

Parachuting with Concrete Shoes

"Can Greg come out and play ball with the Feds?"

"...were in fact not victims but just had a really, really hard time getting out of bed this morning."

'Do you see your assailant anywhere in this photo array?'

'No doubt about it Captain. See these markings? This arrow belongs to Robin Hood!'

Assault 'n' Vinegar

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol