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"I'm neither a good cop nor a bad cop, Jerome. Like yourself, I'm a complex amalgam of positive and negative personality traits that emerge or not, depending on circumstances."

C.S.I.R.S.

"Hurry up with your investigation—he's lying on the remote."

"TV violence made him do it. Says he'll name shows if we drop the charges."

'Well, keep searching lads, they must've left some sort of clues.'

"Yes, that's him there. The fellow making the finger-across-the-throat gesture."

"You've been watching too many of those CSI shows."

"So where's the good cop?"

"Just tell us what we want to know, and you can sit in the comfortable chair."

'There's no sign of foul play.'

"It's the police dog again. He'd like to ask you a couple more questions."

Crime suspect removes shoes to avoid detective.

"And I would've gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for you meddling kids, and the bloodstains on my clothes and in the trunk of my car!"

"So. . . you're binge-watching Scandinavian noir to cheer yourself up?"

'No, no, no. Our insurance pays you when a tragedy happens, Mr. Soprano.'

The old good-cop, painfully shy-cop routine.

Good Dog and Bad Dog Interrogation.

"He's been in there 'searching for the bad guy' for over three hours now."

'Kerrigan, see what you can get out of these witnesses.'

"This crime has been offset by all the other crimes I didn't commit last year."

'I think we need a new sketch artist.'

Criminal Teenager.

'Ah...the new fall line up!'

Road rage with a serial killer

"I want to warn you anything you say may be taken down and sold to the tabloids."

"So now you sniff out drugs! That�s it, no more TV cop show"

'And for those of you calling in to say he is behind us - OH NO he isn't.'

Cash in Your Attic, investigation squad.

Missing Persons Bureau: 'Where is everyone?'

'Looks like another typical caffeine overdose.'

"I tried killing him with kindness, but all I could find were his pruning shears."

"The mortgage payments on our new hideout should be somewhat alleviated by our upcoming schedule of bank robberies."

The Lawyers of the Jungle

"How come we always have to watch the same old security footage of how we met?"

"He's somewhat risk-averse, so you might have a hard time getting him onto a pier."