Crime-fighting Elf Pillows

"In this district constable, you can't be too careful!"

Nelson Mandela in despair over the crime rates in SA.

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

Mayhem, Inc. Part 29

'What's wrong with those Europeans? We have more murders in this city than England, France Germany and Spain combined.'

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

Slow Night

Violent Crime Statistics

'I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go, Richter. The crime rate has dropped.'

"Then you just run a VLOOKUP against the Naughty column."

'We want more police on our streets!' 'WHAT?! Do you have any idea how dangerous it is out there?'

"When I grow up I'm going to be a police officer and follow in my dad's footsteps."

"I like it here but if Santa doesn't get better WiFi I'm getting a new job."

"Brutus! Attack with reasonable force!"

"Will you only promise the children toys that can be brought at this store?"

'Sorry...you're not quite right for the position.'

'Oh no! They've been pinched.'

"We can't put you in a Witness-Protection Program unless you actually witnessed something."

With his mothers persuasion, Joe decided to 'come clean' to the police!

Police Dept. K-9 Unit. Just once I'd like to go undercover as a bad dog.

The Ferguson Effect

Santa's Workshop: Moved to China

Christmas Chopin

'They got me for trespassing, grand theft cookie and trafficking Xboxes across state lines.'

"If we're the Serious Fraud Squad, how come we're looking for funny money?"

"Don't fall for it, Dogman!"

"So, Mr. Claus, there IS a Virginia!"

'Ugh. Every single day.'

The Professionals.

Serious Crime Squad, Light-Hearted Crime Squad, Happy As Larry Crime Squad.

New York City, the Bronx, and another successful Vice Squad raid comes to wraps (real vices used for arresting criminals).

A Gun Proposes to Violence.

"Policing's not what it was..."

Crime-Be-Gone - Fence-O-Matic!

'These police cuts have gone too far.'