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"Sorry, boss, but the decline of the printed word has made creating a ransom note increasingly challenging."

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

Mou...Man trap!

Police outline artist training academy: the intro 101 class.

"Now don't do anything flashy with the money, like pay off all your student loans at once."

"Let's try it again. Hand over your wallet, and this time, don't try anything funny."

"I couldn't finish that book either."

'Make it look like an accident.'

The Mousetrap, by Agatha Christie

Arrest of La Tuta

"I believe this is a case for Sherlock Holmes..."

"Any clues?"

"Little Timmy is big enough to use you burglary tools."

"There's something very wrong with this picture, detective."

Edgar Wallace.

"Do you want to order a contract killing, Don Carlos, or a pay-as-you-go killing?"

'Brilliant writing, Mr. Fenswick, but I'm afraid we'll have to pass on your 'How to Commit the Perfect Crime'!'

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

A dead Olive found stabbed, in a Cocktail drink

"I'm going out for beef chow mein - want anything?"

'Might as well get comfortable. The appeal process can take forever.'

Crime

"Everyone we know is escaping and you sit there doing nothing."

"It's all about the freezer storage space for Vinny."

'I always return to the scene of the crime. Is that normal?'

"My son is a saint - he's always cooperating with the authorities."

Santa, Alien, Easter Bunny and Sasquatch plan the perfect caper.

"Where were you five minutes ago when someone was stealing my getaway car?"

An old dog learns a new trick.

'Colonel Mustard with his candlestick in the library.'

'He knew too much!'

Man reading dangerous crime book.

'Not so fast, Louie -- this may be a trap...'