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'It's always WITNESS protection programs! -- How come they never have CRIMINAL protection programs?'

'Can't we put this behind us and move on?'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

Mou...Man trap!

"I said freeze, punk, I didn't mean literally!"

'Not much cop are you!'

"Embezzlement is now called virtual bank robbery."

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

"Better idea! Let's obstruct traffic in the guy's neighborhood and make his morning commute difficult!"

Pinata Crime Scene Investigation.

'First Lady Lettuce goes missing...'

'Did he say anything before he died?'

'I'm hoping to get into Crime Sprees.'

'They profiled me just because I'm a bank robber!'

"Do you want to order a contract killing, Don Carlos, or a pay-as-you-go killing?"

'Looks like we've got ourselves another cow jacking.'

"Hmm. . . it looks like he was struck on the head with a blunt object. . . If only I could find out what the murder weapon could be. . ."

"I'm sorry, sir, but a blade's a blade."

"The weeds - I want 'em whacked."

'Can you prove it's your hat?'

Decision on the flip of a coin...

'Okay, I'll give you the money, but this could negatively affect your credit rating.'

Man sees his double in ID parade. Policeman says: 'Please indicate which of these men stole your identity.'

The Codfather.

"I'm just going to step into the bank to get some money for dinner."

'I say, are you fellows going to be long?'

Joke Shop.

New York City, the Bronx, and another successful Vice Squad raid comes to wraps (real vices used for arresting criminals).