Creepy Crawly Comedians Gifts

Spectabilis Horridus

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

"They're born into captivity, it's all they know."

'So, that's where the blue water comes from!'

Fisherman: 'HOLY MACKEREL!'

'A beaver wearing a mountie hat riding a moose! Still think we haven't crossed into Canada?'

His and Hernia's towels.

Finding a Zombie House on Halloween.

"I thought it would be cheaper to weed wack our shag carpet rather than replace it."

"Drat!. . . We've run out of ice..."

"Baldo. My name is El Muerto. I have a message for you...from the afterlife."

"It's just happened again! I don't get it! Master is such a nice guy: why would the neighbours always decline his invitations?"

Memory Foam Mattress.

'They must be trash fish!'

'I wonder if we're getting enough fibre?'

The social isolation of the entomologist...

Mortified that her hospital gown did not close all the way in the back...

'It has had phenomenal growth and, for those involved, an atmosphere crawling with excitement. Congratulations, Hawkins, for heading our Bed Bug division.'

'Pterodatyl? Everything tastes like Pterodatyl to you!'

'Sorry, we serve beer in glasses only. Not in the toilet flush.'

"Don't take your list in there! What's wrong with you?!?"

'Sheep-dogs give me the creeps: I can't tell if they're watching me or not...'

'That is one absorbent nappy.'

Scouting just hasn't been the same since Troop 90 found a long enough extension cord so they could sing around the air conditioner.

The Weather Rock says: Sunny with a chance of flooding

A praying mantis bride throws her husband's head to a crowd of wedding guests.

Showering in winter.

'What are you doing with that toilet?! I drink out of there!'

'You ever get that feeling that there's something in your hair?'

"I'll probably hate myself in the morning."

"Remember what happens in vegans stays in vegans."

Snow Stab.

Cat and Mouse

Scavenenger's hunt.

"This Subway Diet is way better than that Atkins nonsense."