Credit Score Perfectionist Gifts

'Credit being what it is, I'm sure you won't mind if we see your 200,000 cattle first...'

Build Your Own Portfolio

"I’ve seen better metaphors in my litter box."

'You reached the Nervous Investor Fund's Hotline. The per share value is now 19.05, now 18.91, now...'

'We no longer look at résumés. We go straight to your Facebook page.'

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

'Actually, they're a hybrid. They are a blue-chip, common stock.'

'Wake up! You should be worrying about our investments!'

"Constant vigilance, regular trimming."

Recession

"You're pretty optimistic about this new investment strategy of your's, aren't you?"

"I'm afraid these grades aren't giving me a very satisfying vicarious life."

Poetry repairman

Writer

"Wallace couldn't come, but I brought some of his fussy prose."

'In an inexplicable attack of nerves, Elliot becomes the first person ever to screw up John Cage's 4'33'.

'Find out if that was a computer glitch or a market glitch?'

'No, your stock didn't split. The fact it's worth half of what it was yesterday is just an amazing coincidence.'

'After looking over your portfolio, I don't think 'enough' will be enough.'

The Birth of a Portfolio

I'm filling out my myface.com and I have a question. Rudy Park, tech genius, at your service. Should I pretend to be 10,12 or 26 years old? 32? I configure browsers, not fake personas! I think I'll play for the Broncos.

'If you're so smart, why don't you have some Index Funds in your portfolio.'

'You know your problem, Mr Hanes? Your stock portfolio is too full of companies that run like the government.'

"Take away his brilliant prose, and he's just some depressed guy."

Investments: Getting In Touch With Your Inner Greed

'As your banker, I feel I should tell you, the more enlightened you become the more of a credit risk you become.'

Creative Director skipping through an advertising portfolio.

"For tonight's performance I have stripped everything, as far as possible, down to the "urtext" edition."

'How's the ringtone coming along, Ludwig?'

The battle of the pianos.

"You'll always have AAA status to me!"

'Oh Cynthia, I must tell you. I just found the cutest little mutual fund...'

"Turns out that 'sleeper stock' I sold you was actually in a coma."

'He micromanages all our trades.'

Ace Investments: Thanks for Not Asking My Net Worth.