Crazy Dog Lady Club Gifts

"Jessica Jo's white, Tucker's black, Tag's white, Pepper's red, Peekay is gray, Junie is gray, Jamie's brown – and, by the way, Jessica Jo is gifted."

'Ok, here comes farmer Brown, put these on and remember.......act natural!'

"Depressed? No doubt. Overwhelmed? Obviously. Crazy? I don't think so."

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

'We've tried everything else without success and have now made the decision to adopt.'

"Would you like to try them out?"

'I'll have the steak and she'll have the tuna.'

'Let me get this clear. You want me to give you paternity leave before the baby is born.'

"Love means I narrowly chose you over a bunch of cats."

"And your baskets include dead crickets, old socks, mice guts and toilet water."

'They are boneless, I didn't say anything about beaks.'

My Bowl Is Empty.

'These are my 'golfing socks'... there's a hole in one!'

'... and in a startling development, 5 Supreme Court decisions were overturned by Judge Judy...'

"My husband finally taught him to use the toilet but can't convince him to give up kitty litter."

The chefs were helping local actors who were tired of having short roles... by giving them a long loaf!

'Don't start an argument - you know how you hate intravenous feeding.'

"It's not you. It's pea."

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

"I want to report a race crime.'

Lady to lady about disguised lady: 'She's new to our Secret Sister program.'

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

Hamlet

"He seems to have done a complete turnaround."

'He's lying about either a fish or his penis.'

'Im going to invest all your pension money in cat nip!'

'...And in local weather, Ken's cologne has clashed with Trish's hair spray, causing a thunder shower over the news desk.'