Craving Commiserator Pillows

"The most common craving in pregnancy is not to be pregnant!"

"My wife left me. Then my hard drive died."

Proud Parent Of A Medical School Student With Huge Debt.

Ice Cream Flavors

Footballer changes shirt with the ref.

"I'm against pain killers for players, but I'm for them for supporters."

Due to higher-than-usual caller volume, your wait-time is nine minutes. That's over an hour in wolverine minutes.

'Fantastic chance to show what you can do...resources are of course stretched...we'd be very grateful.'

"Birthday? No? Anniversary?

"Listen up - today is the first day in the rest of the coronavirus crisis!"

Being home based the highlights of Colin's day was ringing his office based colleagues to check on how their commute had been that morning.

'Diet Plan Rule number one: Stop using ice cream truck music as your ringtone.'

"I was good. Why is Santa punishing me?"

Overeaters anonymous meeting 9 to 10pm

"Man, what I wouldn't do for some Chinese take-out."

"I guess I'm just unlucky in love. My first wife left me...and the second one won't!"

'We're having a graduation party for Jerome. Actually, it's more like a fund raiser.'

'I've started this new 'Detox' diet - no caffeine or alcohol...no processed foods...

"It's tough sticking to a diet when you're surrounded by temptation."

"You are right...testing shows you have chocolate in your DNA."

"Wrong hole!"

"Could you watch my elephant while I nip out a minute?"

"This project is crucial guys. Time may be short but you are shorter."

'It couldn't handle one more office reorganization.'

'I've decided to help you diet. I had invisible fencing installed around the refrigerator.'

'He said; 'His wife doesn't understand him'.'

"Mine's a metaphor. I don't know what's going on withyou."

"Doctor, there is a correlation between violence and the low-fat diet. Right now, I'd kill for a doughnut!"

'I'm highly motivated to diet. Unfortunately I'm more motivated to eat.'

'This one is a dieter's dream! Any visits to it between meals and it self destructs!'

'I insist that each of my employees take at least a week off every three months. It's the best way I can learn which ones I can do without.'

"My wife understands me."

'Wait a minute -- you did all this stuff in a VIDEO GAME?'

"I don't see anything on the menu. Can I just order in from somewhere else?"

"I don't have a doctor's excuse for my absence, but here's a note from my cable company."