Date Night Commiserator Pillows

'Thanks for walking me home, but as the restaurant was five miles away a taxi might have been nice.'

"Oh, Jeff, you swore this wasn't a podcast."

"Do you mind?"

Asking out a palm reader.

'I'm not afraid of commitment, but forever is a really long time.'

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

When we met, you told me you make a lousy first impression. Well, guess what: You also make a lousy second impression. Actually, my only decent impression is Kirk Douglas. Wanna hear it?

" I'm sorry. I was so busy listening to myself talk that I forgot what I was saying."

'S'more wine?'

Wait – is that your dad? Tunnel of Love.

'I'm doing a wine tasting course, it's fascinating. . .'

"I like Chardonnay, but I like saying 'Pinot Grigio.'"

'You forgot your glasses again, didn't you?'

"If they give you any trouble, find a good babysitter and go out for the evening."

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

"So much for watching a Jane Austen movie with my date. He kept waiting for the car chase!"

Footballer changes shirt with the ref.

'I've spent a fortune wining and dining you today Julie and now you tell me you love Picasso!'

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

"Well, if you must know, he makes me laugh."

"I hope this guy isn't as dull as he looks."

"Pay no attention to us, we're just a mirage."

"I don't know - I feel like we always split the cheese plate."

“Here’s to the 240 bucks we’re paying the sitter.”

"Couples therapy is not 'going out', Henry!"

'He seems nice.'

"I would gladly explain it to you, Allison. But, for your information, it's inexplicable."

'Cute girl from philosophy. . . BBQ at Dave's. I wonder if she's going?. . . Flat meeting to talk about me not doing my share.'

'This dinner had everything necessary to make it perfect...Great food, candlelight, violinist... you clutching your chest after seeing the check.'

"Birthday? No? Anniversary?

"Did you notice the smirk on his face when he said 'enjoy'?"

"It's so romantic here with all these candles!"

'We're having a graduation party for Jerome. Actually, it's more like a fund raiser.'

"No! I want to stay up here with you!"

'Listen darling - they're playing our ring-tone!'