Christmas Commiserator Pillows

"I was good. Why is Santa punishing me?"

"My wife left me. Then my hard drive died."

TV Interactive panto - Remote control buttons: Oh yes it is - Oh no it isn't.

Ice Cream Flavors

It took a while but Henk finally did lose his Christmas bum.

'If you ask me, toys are getting far too realistic!'

"Tis the season to be jolly!"

Footballer changes shirt with the ref.

"Post-holiday dieting will be much easier this year. Our disposable cash flow will be diverted."

"I'm against pain killers for players, but I'm for them for supporters."

Poinsettia

Due to higher-than-usual caller volume, your wait-time is nine minutes. That's over an hour in wolverine minutes.

'Fantastic chance to show what you can do...resources are of course stretched...we'd be very grateful.'

On The Ninth day of Christmas.

"Birthday? No? Anniversary?

"Remember now, this is for your Birthday AND for Christmas!"

'We're having a graduation party for Jerome. Actually, it's more like a fund raiser.'

"I guess I'm just unlucky in love. My first wife left me...and the second one won't!"

Man United Team Christmas.

Text Santa

Due to company cutbacks please only photocopy one buttock.

'They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games!'

I think the real question is, why do I feel I have to give out toys? Can't people like me just for me?

'After that 24 hour beer and fruit cake binge, you need a radical detox!'

Keep your answers short and in the form of a question.

"I'm the spirit of Christmas Present."

"This project is crucial guys. Time may be short but you are shorter."

'It mightn't be HD, but it's Christmassy!'

'Dad, cut out the middle man, Santa and get me the toys from behind the wardrobe.'

'He said; 'His wife doesn't understand him'.'

'It couldn't handle one more office reorganization.'

"Coal? What are you, Kringle, some kind of eco-terrorist?"

Santa Party Time

Mum, you smell like trifle!

"My wife understands me."