Crafty Humor Lover Gifts

"Son, you're old enough now to whittle your own condom."

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"You left this on our ship."

"We have to take that science away from Tommy...he's genetically modified the cat!"

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

Astral Projection

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

"Bless You."

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

A Golden Non-Retriever

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

He wanted a different one.

"Yes, alright! I know it's a small mountain... I'm only a novice oracle."

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

'Can I have flies with that'

"Daddy is off to work in a data mine."

Newark by Night. A new Dutch restaurant just opened. What do you know about Dutch cuisine? Nothing. But I'm a big fan of the "Dutch Treat" concept.

'It's a giant inkblot on loan from the psychiatrist who owns the unit next door.'

Cinderella insisted on always having glass slippers - even into old age...

Toenail clipping missile.

Litter Tray Stonehenge

Updated fairy tales - "Cinderella." Dating Service. It's not often we get a client looking for a specific shoe size.

Cow Cong vs Toilet Rolls.

'Well, somebody on this stupid little planet ordered an extra-large with pepperoni and mushrooms!'

"Barnes is morphing into some kind of strange creature. I warned him about eating out of the vending machines."

The worm that churned!

Sir Isaac Newton wondered how he couldexplain this! (Pineapple)

Dogs looking at a fire hydrant in an art gallery.

Crane fishing

'There's a software glitch. The drones have built a hive and are trying to make honey.'

Clearing the castle's moat.