Crafty Humor Lover Pillows

"Son, you're old enough now to whittle your own condom."

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"You left this on our ship."

"We have to take that science away from Tommy...he's genetically modified the cat!"

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

"Bless You."

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

A Golden Non-Retriever

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

"Yes, alright! I know it's a small mountain... I'm only a novice oracle."

'Can I have flies with that'

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

"Daddy is off to work in a data mine."

'It's a giant inkblot on loan from the psychiatrist who owns the unit next door.'

"Barnes is morphing into some kind of strange creature. I warned him about eating out of the vending machines."

Toenail clipping missile.

Sir Isaac Newton wondered how he couldexplain this! (Pineapple)

Cow Cong vs Toilet Rolls.

The worm that churned!

'Well, somebody on this stupid little planet ordered an extra-large with pepperoni and mushrooms!'

Cinderella insisted on always having glass slippers - even into old age...

Clearing the castle's moat.

'There's a software glitch. The drones have built a hive and are trying to make honey.'

Dogs looking at a fire hydrant in an art gallery.

Crane fishing

Bride with a ventriloquist's dummy.