Crafty Churchgoers Gifts

Cut out and keep your own Baby Jesus.

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

How to spot the infrequent Mass attendees.

'I won't be coming to church any more, Reverend -- I've decided to convert to golf.'

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

United Church of OMG

"Hey Frank, any plans for after church?"

"I don't like the way the new pastor is looking at his flock."

"Are you sure it's okay for cardinals to live at a Protestant church?"

'That ISN'T the way to keep the Mass to an hour.'

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

"Hello Mr. Wibley. I haven't seen you in church lately!"

Four Chanting Monks

Out for lunch... GOD

"...and, for those parishioners who insist on a Eucharist made with all organic, locally-sourced ingredients, see Father Maguire at aisle three."

"The wages of sin are ... pretty damn attractive."

'I'm interested in being born again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.'

Today's Sermon: We come into this world with nothing and we leave with nothing. Is there any chance of a bailout?

"And now, a few words about the feel-God factor"

The 1st annual pet baptism was also the last

'I understand the new usher is in the restaurant business.'

'How come I never see you in church?'

"Let's start a small group."

At Michawl Phelps' baptism.

'Let us now turn to the Gospel According to St. Matthew for today's sob story.'

Curate talking to miners

'I always thought that church mouse thing was just a figure of speech.'

Man waiting to receive communion drinks soda

"OK, so you've told us what God thinks... but now I'd like to know what YOU think!"

". . . and don't forget to like and subscribe to my channel. Amen."

'Only way I can get people in on a Sunday.'

'Today's sermon may seem a little incoherent -- my 'Preach-o-Mat' program crashed.'