Covid Sarcasm Lover Pillows

"... Yes. And I'm wearing a mask, so what's the problem?!"

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"So, you say I'll be doubling the numbers of animals I kill?"

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

"You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that?"

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

The Snarky District

'Someday TVs will be in big boxes on the floor.'

Hello, my name is riskyy@ronny5 and I am addicted to comments boards.

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"This is Briggs, our new department head. He's got an amazing knack for reducing complex problems into easy-to-understand witch hunts!"

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

"My tariffs will move the world in a new direction!!"

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

'Stop staring and make a wish!'

Pharaoh Cocoon

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

"I always try to give out at least one genuine compliment per day. I don't always succeed."

'My firm has an entire department that does nothing but adjust for inflation.'

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

"He's my smart-aleck twin."