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"I prefer the Perry Como version."

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

Use your imagination.

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

Dynasties - Ping, Ching, Ming.

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

"He's an abstract artist."

Art Gallery.

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

"Caricatures $20"

'It's a giant inkblot on loan from the psychiatrist who owns the unit next door.'

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

"He begged his wife and kids to join him in Tahiti, but he didn't mean a word of it, the bastard."

"What's most exciting about NFTs is the opportunity for dynamic new content."

"Definitive." "Compelling." "Persuasive." "Upside down."

"I read 'Art News.'"

"Thrilling news, sweetie! The National Gallery's entire collection of Velázquez is now attributed to you."

"Good, clean art from the Molly Murphy Collection"

'...The good news is the Guggenheim has offered $2,500,000 for our chart.'

'I'm very proud of my El Gecko.'

'It's like a piece of music, like Mozart or Beethoven.'

"It's a forgery―and a recent one, too."

17th Century Anonymous Dutch Paintings Museum: Formerly 'Rembrandt Museum'.

"You like it? It’s from the MoMA Store!"

Graffiti Forever!

'It's nice but will it be a hedge against inflation.'

Monet in the '90s.

"I like his style. He makes it look like an accident."

Portrait sweating above a fireplace

'I may not know much about art. But, I don't know what I like either.'