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All the President's Semen

A Dust Jacket

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Meet The Author"

"Tonight! Author book signing." "Develop your inner raging bitch."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

Books: Novels, Short-Stories, Tall Tales.

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

'Mysteries' section of bookshop reveals secret door.

Rare Books

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

Characters jumping out of a book.

Great British Eccentrics.

Books: The Wit and Wisdom of Ebenezer Scrooge

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

'It finally took me thirty years, but I finally have one of every 3-D comic book ever made'

Bookstore, the Politically Incorrect Guide to You.

Sue the Author 3PM

"I don't care if it is itty-bitty. Turn it off!"

You've read the book's dust jacket. Now, play the video game!

Do it yourself books.

"I did the math. If we want to read all of Proust in this lifetime, we have to start tomorrow morning."

Baby Einstein. Baby Frankenstein.

Sock Puppet in Literature

The Shrinking Dollar.

Sign in book shop window: 'Critics agree the book is much better than the movie.'