Courtroom Style Guru Gifts

"What have you got that says, 'not guilty'?"

I love Lawyers

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

"Mr. McMurdo has been called 'guilty as the day is long.' And yet, do not biblical scholars tell us a day can mean many things?"

"I object!" "Overruled!"

John W. Law., John W. Law Jr., Robert Law, Janet Law, Attorneys at Law

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

Yawning barristers in court

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Well, heck! If all you smart cookies agree, who am I to dissent?"

'The Grand Jury doesn't understand me...'

"In a just world we'd have 'No Lawyer Left Behind'."

The Birth of a Lawsuit

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

"I've asked you not to overrule me in front of the children."

'Don't blame the lawyer!'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

"If we learned anything in law school, we learned that you can never have enough wiggle room."

'For ever 'no-no' there's a legal 'yes-yes'.'

"Impartiality becomes you."

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

'Every day, I'm suing better and better...'

Say what? Johnnie Cochran died in 2005?

'That's nothing...I've been told my wig takes fifteen years off me.'

RBG, RGB, CMYK

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to sue, and he'll eat for a lifetime."

''Congress shall make no law'... now, I wonder what they meant by that...?'

"Can you recommend something for the attorney who got me everything?"

Counsel's Opinion.

'I believe my trainee is putting together the trial bundle for you now.'

Criminal Stupidness

'The Supreme Court found the new law constitutional, but struck it down anyway because it's politically incorrect.'

"Not guilty, Your Honor, on the basis of a previously undiagnosed and untreated case of Integrity Deficit Disorder!"

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'