Courtroom Settings Gifts

"If it please the court, I'd like to act as my own plucky young female attorney."

"If she sings it's over."

"Whereupon the defendant let out a very sharp, hard-edged laugh that fell to the floor and painfully injured the plaintiff's right foot!"

"Why, yes, Your Honor. That would make me his Advocate."

'Your Honor, permission to treat the witness as hostage.'

'Nice try, but I've heard the 'static cling' shoplifting defense before.'

'Your Honor, my client pleads not guilty by reason of a very short attention span.'

'I'm used to having my decisions overturned since I've been married 20 years.'

'Upon conclusion of oral arguments, the attorneys commenced with anal arguments.'

'Who do you think you're kidding? -- Guns don't have power surges!'

"Call it intuition or whatever, but I can't help thinking you may not be telling the truth."

"You've been found guilty of GBH and, more importantly, breaking the two-metre social distancing rule."

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"You moved two spaced and then one space to the side? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that sure sounds illegal."

"Bailiff."

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

"I'm not leading the witness; I'm winding up my segment on heinous crimes!"

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

'Let's try it again. And this time, don't cross your fingers.'

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

'I object, Your Honor! Hearsay evidence!'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

Arrogant junior barrister

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

"The Defendant must stop trying to side-step every question the prosecution asks!"

'It wasn't a hate crime, Your Honor — I actually kind of liked the guy.'

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'