Courtroom Arts Gifts

A judge plays with scales held by a statue of Lady Justice.

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"You moved two spaced and then one space to the side? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that sure sounds illegal."

"Bailiff."

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

"I'm not leading the witness; I'm winding up my segment on heinous crimes!"

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

'Let's try it again. And this time, don't cross your fingers.'

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

'I object, Your Honor! Hearsay evidence!'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

Arrogant junior barrister

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

"The Defendant must stop trying to side-step every question the prosecution asks!"

'It wasn't a hate crime, Your Honor — I actually kind of liked the guy.'

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'

"Apparently, you have very little respect for our judicial system, sauntering in here with only one lawyer."

'Hmmm...It is: innocent until proven guilty? Or is it: guilty until proven innocent?'

"This jury may not be swayed by any defense that relies on emotion."

"Objections overruled...I also think the defendent looks extremly dodgy"

"That's right, think of yourself all the time! I'm the one who will be losing a client for the next twenty years."

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

Two lawyers in a royal court

'Remember, don't discuss the case with the jurors.'

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."

Judges alarm clock: 'beep beep, all rise!'