Courtroom Reader Gifts

"I've come to judge some books by their cover."

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"Bailiff."

The Jose Padilla Experience

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

'Let's try it again. And this time, don't cross your fingers.'

'I object, Your Honor! Hearsay evidence!'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

Arrogant junior barrister

'You use the former when wooing your beloved and the latter during negotiations with your divorce lawyers.'

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'

"Your honor, I intend to put the system on trial."

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

"Not guilty"

"Overruled."

'With my degree in law and in physics, I hope to create resonable doubt.'

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

"Objections overruled...I also think the defendent looks extremly dodgy"

Pinocchio and Partners Lawyers.

"Can you hold on a sec? I just have to condemn this guy to death real quick."

Clarence Thomas

'I've never sued anyone but I bet I'll be good at it.'

"Not guilty by virtue of reasonable doubt."

'Either it's a mistake, or this town's gone soft on crime.'

"He's doing it again, your honor!"

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."