Courtroom Story Reader Gifts

"OK, state of New Mexico vs. Alex Baldwin, take two... aaaand ACTION!"

"I'll tell you, mock jury duty beats cancer testing."

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Homes on Holmes"

Tell me a deposition, mommy.

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

So you'd like to be a lawyer...we require honest, genuine people, who are prepared to...learn how to fake sincerity.

'Hmmm...It is: innocent until proven guilty? Or is it: guilty until proven innocent?'

''Not guilty'? -- oh, in denial, are we?'

'With my degree in law and in physics, I hope to create resonable doubt.'

"In my client's defence, the label on the bottle clearly read, 'rat poison'...not 'people poison'."

I know "Ignorance of the law is no excuse" applies to defendants your honor, but

'and for pushing your umbrella button in a VERY crowded elevator.'

'You have an over reactive gagging reflex.'

'My client would like to enter a plea of inanity.'

'officially, I'm on leave, but I'm really just ducking the media.'

'Exhibit A: the oxygen tube that came loose the night she died. You were there that night. You wanted to play then, too.'

I rest my case, your honor, in celebration of "Casual Defense Friday." ! !

"Your Honor, may I point out to the court that my client pleased guilty to wrongdoing, but not the evildoing."

'It wasn't me - but I'm sure whoever did it had a good reason. Looks, charm and 10 aliases only get you so far.'

"It make syou kind of proud to be helping to build this giant new hospital doesn't it!!"

". . . and that's the story of why you should find this defendant. . . GUILTY!"

"My client demands a jury trial."

'We need further instruction, your honor. Does a full house beat a straight?'

"Psst! If you have any stock tips to pass on, I can probably lighten your sentence for insider trading."

'Clearly my client would be slim, healthy and attractive if MacBurger had adequately warned him of the dangers of eating every scrap of food in their restaurant.'

'He's competent in every regard, except to stand trial.'

Sherlock Holmes investigating a washing machine.

'I might be able to get you off if a chain of near miraculous rulings happen to occur.'

'If you don't stay seated, I'll have to use my pop-up blocker.'

"Isn't it enough that I know the truth?"

'Are you capable of distinguishing right from wrong?', 'Can you give me a hint?'

'Yeah, I shot the guy, but only because I was misled by my advisors.'

"I think we should accept the prosecution's generous offer of a coin flip."

'My client did not escape, Your Honor -- his prison was so crowded, somebody pushed him out the window!'