Courtroom Pun Enthusiast Pillows

"The defendant is a danger to society and poses a flight risk."

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

"Not guilty?"

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

"Can you hear me now?"

'Let's agree to disagree.'

"Let's take in a trial."

"In my client's defence, the label on the bottle clearly read, 'rat poison'...not 'people poison'."

"Can you identify the person who assaulted you and then stole your title?"

'They profiled me just because I'm a bank robber!'

Judges alarm clock: 'beep beep, all rise!'

No offense intended your honor…It just seemed like this case screamed for a frivolous law suit…

"Love is grand... divorce is a hundred grand."

"Your Honor, the witness, in my opinion, has failed to establish credibility."

'I've never sued anyone but I bet I'll be good at it.'

He was good. Real good.

'Your Honor, my client is incontinent to stand trail...'

"Certainly you're entitled to justice, if you can show that you deserve it."

'...And zap him quick, before that bleeding-heart Governor gets back from vacation.'

"It was a typical 'His lawyer said/Her lawyer said' situation."

Equal Time for All Christians

'Do you still insist on taking the fifth on how many fifths you took on the fifth?'

"Objection over-ruled Counselor! Proceed to the clearly marked Fire Exit, if you follow my meaning."

"No it's not. That's his defense lawyer."

"I'd like to propose a bill to the effect that we can remain freshmen indefinitely."

'I object to the prosecution calling my client a liar. The witness is merely fact-based reality challenged.'

'Your Honor, I'd like to cite the precedent of 'Alien vs. Predator'....'

"Please read back that last remark in a more murdery voice."

"Isn't it enough that I know the truth?"

"You want the truth, the whole truth, or nothing but the truth?"

"Sentencing...my gut feeling is disembowelment...but my head says decapitation."

"We need two crates of lager and a bottle of scotch."

"My client believed he was working within the rules at the time."

'We find for the defendant, but we're really not too crazy about his claim.'