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"The defendant is a danger to society and poses a flight risk."

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

"Not guilty?"

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

"Can you hear me now?"

"Let's take in a trial."

"In my client's defence, the label on the bottle clearly read, 'rat poison'...not 'people poison'."

"Can you identify the person who assaulted you and then stole your title?"

"Your Honor, the witness, in my opinion, has failed to establish credibility."

'They profiled me just because I'm a bank robber!'

Judges alarm clock: 'beep beep, all rise!'

"Love is grand... divorce is a hundred grand."

'I've never sued anyone but I bet I'll be good at it.'

He was good. Real good.

"Certainly you're entitled to justice, if you can show that you deserve it."

'Your Honor, my client is incontinent to stand trail...'

"No it's not. That's his defense lawyer."

'Do you still insist on taking the fifth on how many fifths you took on the fifth?'

"I'd like to propose a bill to the effect that we can remain freshmen indefinitely."

"It was a typical 'His lawyer said/Her lawyer said' situation."

'...And zap him quick, before that bleeding-heart Governor gets back from vacation.'

'I object to the prosecution calling my client a liar. The witness is merely fact-based reality challenged.'

"You want the truth, the whole truth, or nothing but the truth?"

"Please read back that last remark in a more murdery voice."

"Isn't it enough that I know the truth?"

"Counsel will be advised to not text message the witness."

"Sentencing...my gut feeling is disembowelment...but my head says decapitation."

'We find for the defendant, but we're really not too crazy about his claim.'

"We need two crates of lager and a bottle of scotch."