Courtroom Satire Enthusiast Pillows

"Counsel will kindly refrain from testifiduction and hippothanatology – in lay terms, leading the witness and beating a dead horse."

Equal Time for All Christians

My Brother Al once went through a period of depression, your honor. He would just sit around in his robe all day. Then his psychiatrist got him out of his funk. Would you like to have his doctor's phone number? ? ?

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Not guilty?"

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Why won't you cuddle?"

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

'But your honor, imitation is the sincerest form of copyright infringement.'

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

'The highest court in the land.'

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

'It's an idea whose time has come, Mr. Mayor -- 'drive-through traffic court'!'

The hour of justice

"Can you hear me now?"

'Let's agree to disagree.'

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

"Let's take in a trial."

"...and we hope that, for a cyber-crime, you will consider a cyber-penalty."

A Court Reporter's Pocket Knife

Counsel examining witness

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

"In my client's defence, the label on the bottle clearly read, 'rat poison'...not 'people poison'."

''The buck stops here'? What a coincidence, your honor. My nickname is 'the Buck'.'

"I thought I'd try a Marie Antoinette for a change."

"Guilty of a sense of humor in a tight-ass world."

'Are you sure you saw my client do it? Let me remind you, it takes one to know one.'