Courtroom Crackup Gifts

Come Back Sloane

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

Questions about an old case refuse to go away. . .

'I request an postponement, Your Honor -- I have to study for my bar exams.'

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

I love Lawyers

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

'It wasn't long before Larry realized his calling as a lawyer whisperer...'

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"Now that's a win."

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

"Bailiff."

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

"You can't plead cute."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"We make crime pay."

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"#notguilty."

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

Yawning barristers in court

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

"Well, heck! If all you smart cookies agree, who am I to dissent?"

'The next case Your Honor, is a palimony suit. The ant vs the grasshopper.'

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'