Court Scene Appreciator Pillows

'It all started when I told him I resented people calling lawyers assholes, because I'm an asshole.'

I love Lawyers

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"Our business is based on breakthroughs."

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

"I object!" "Overruled!"

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Well, heck! If all you smart cookies agree, who am I to dissent?"

"In a just world we'd have 'No Lawyer Left Behind'."

"I've asked you not to overrule me in front of the children."

Sue The Bastards

'The Grand Jury doesn't understand me...'

The Birth of a Lawsuit

'Don't blame the lawyer!'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

'Every day, I'm suing better and better...'

'Then if there are no objections, we will recess until tomorrow morning.'

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to sue, and he'll eat for a lifetime."

Criminal Stupidness

Judge

AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION ACLU, HELP TAKE A BITE OUT OF LAW, 'I like it!'

Hanging Mime - Such a waste of talent.

"Check this wall for fingerprints."

"Not guilty, Your Honor, on the basis of a previously undiagnosed and untreated case of Integrity Deficit Disorder!"

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

'Great. Another trainee lawyer.'

"This is a complex matter, we can't keep repeating 'Possession is nine tenths of the law' at the judge."

Truth, Justice, Equality and Public Relations

'Jimmy. Stick to the outline.'

'Don't worry, you're a politician. You'll have no trouble pleading insanity.'

'Look, Your Honor -- We're both over-fifty white males, right?'

'Being granted immunity doesn't include not having to pay my bill.'