Courier Comedy Enthusiast Gifts

"It used to just be flowers but now I also do subpoenas."

'That strange smell, George.. is FRESH AIR!'

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

"Were you using your mobile?" "How could I possibly? I've had my hands full eating and smoking!"

"In my client's defence, the label on the bottle clearly read, 'rat poison'...not 'people poison'."

"Let's take in a trial."

'I've never sued anyone but I bet I'll be good at it.'

"Love is grand... divorce is a hundred grand."

He was good. Real good.

"Certainly you're entitled to justice, if you can show that you deserve it."

"No it's not. That's his defense lawyer."

"It was a typical 'His lawyer said/Her lawyer said' situation."

'I object to the prosecution calling my client a liar. The witness is merely fact-based reality challenged.'

"Isn't it enough that I know the truth?"

"Please read back that last remark in a more murdery voice."

"She had rings on her fingers and, If memory serves me, she also had bells on her toes."

'The defense rests.'

A barrister with his first brief

"We need two crates of lager and a bottle of scotch."

"I found your problem. This is a horse."

'My client has no comment.'

'Have you any idea what speed you were doing, sir?'

"My client believed he was working within the rules at the time."

'We find for the defendant, but we're really not too crazy about his claim.'

"Sentencing...my gut feeling is disembowelment...but my head says decapitation."

"Counsel will be advised to not text message the witness."

"May we have a moment, your honor. My client hasn't quite memorized the script."

How future cases will be decided if there is a 4-4 tie.

'Your honor, we find the defendant guilty. But, we think the prosecutor deserves a good kick in the pants!'

'Look at it out there, Jones. Successful businesses as far as the eyes can see... We're gonna need some curtains.'

"This is a simple licensing hearing, there's no need to keep shouting 'You can't handle the truth!'"

"Well, I'm not really one to judge. . ."