Courier Comedy Enthusiast Gifts

"It used to just be flowers but now I also do subpoenas."

'That strange smell, George.. is FRESH AIR!'

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

"Were you using your mobile?" "How could I possibly? I've had my hands full eating and smoking!"

'Let's agree to disagree.'

"In my client's defence, the label on the bottle clearly read, 'rat poison'...not 'people poison'."

"Let's take in a trial."

No offense intended your honor…It just seemed like this case screamed for a frivolous law suit…

"Love is grand... divorce is a hundred grand."

'I've never sued anyone but I bet I'll be good at it.'

He was good. Real good.

"Certainly you're entitled to justice, if you can show that you deserve it."

"No it's not. That's his defense lawyer."

"It was a typical 'His lawyer said/Her lawyer said' situation."

"Objection over-ruled Counselor! Proceed to the clearly marked Fire Exit, if you follow my meaning."

'I object to the prosecution calling my client a liar. The witness is merely fact-based reality challenged.'

'Your Honor, I'd like to cite the precedent of 'Alien vs. Predator'....'

"Isn't it enough that I know the truth?"

"Please read back that last remark in a more murdery voice."

'Have you any idea what speed you were doing, sir?'

A barrister with his first brief

"She had rings on her fingers and, If memory serves me, she also had bells on her toes."

"We need two crates of lager and a bottle of scotch."

"My client believed he was working within the rules at the time."

'The defense rests.'

"May we have a moment, your honor. My client hasn't quite memorized the script."

"Counsel will be advised to not text message the witness."

'We find for the defendant, but we're really not too crazy about his claim.'

"Sentencing...my gut feeling is disembowelment...but my head says decapitation."

"I found your problem. This is a horse."

'My client has no comment.'

How future cases will be decided if there is a 4-4 tie.

'Your honor, we find the defendant guilty. But, we think the prosecutor deserves a good kick in the pants!'

"This is a simple licensing hearing, there's no need to keep shouting 'You can't handle the truth!'"

"Well, I'm not really one to judge. . ."