Couples Therapy Pillows

'If you're not busy....any chance of a coffee ?'

'We are communicating better, but we are still not out of the woods.'

"Well, there's no sense in us both getting a lobotomy."

'You can't agree on who gets maternity or paternity leave...'

'Henry, we can't begin to make progress unless your friend leaves the room.'

Body language: the double negative

"It's not all your fault, some of it is my mother's!"

"She's always trying to change me."

'We don't text anymore'

'I agreed to a relationship coach, not a referee.'

"And if I could just point your attention to the data here, I think you will see why your feelings are incorrect."

"I can deal with the lactose. It's his bad habits I can't tolerate."

'We never go out. We have no social life. We have no income. We have no friends. We're sexually too compatible.'

". . . but it's quite a small couch, don't you agree?"

"This will illustrate our problem - I wanted to go for counseling but he wanted to do a paintball grudge match."

"Agreed. We'll reduce our arsenal of insults, jibes and grievances by one-third but will be permitted to stockpile them for use should the need arise."

'It's not just his insane jealousy - he also insists on choosing all my clothes.'

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

'My brother's a proper cook - he's come as a witness'

'We first met here - when I was doing your job.'

Sure, I wanted Joe to 'settle down.' But I always assumed he'd eventually get back up!

'Our marriage is like a one-way street, and I'm behind him, honking my horn...'

Rose and Cactus.

Man and woman sitting cross armed and legged at either end of a bench with a snake with a knot in it between them

'While it's often said that laughter's a better medicine, I've learned that crying is best in solving disputes between husbands and wives.'

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

'You're both adults. Stop allowing her to treat you like a naughty child. OK, your time-out is up. See you next week.'

"When I first met him, he was my knight in shining armour. But, he hasn't been near the metal polish in years!"

"I know marriage is a partnership, but I didn't realise I'd be the silent partner."

"As a marriage counselor, I dealt with husbands and wives. Now I don't know what to call them."

"But Slinky, you knew I threw hissy fits when you married me!"

Express Therapy

"I gave everything to this man... everything! And what did he do? He cheats on me with a debt consultant!"

"Please don't insist any further. We're not interested in continuing the therapy."