Couples Navigating Breakups Pillows

"Our relationship is much like your old computer. It's crashed."

Speed Dating for Turtles

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

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'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

"Have you tried barking at the moon?"

"I always spend New Year's surrounded by loved ones."

A man sews broken hearts back together.

"Only time can heal a broken heart, Brenda, and fortunately I have the time, every Thursday at three o'clock."

"Don't wait too long for Mr. Right or you'll end up with Mr. What's left!"

'I don't believe in blind dates... the last time I got fixed up I got neutered.'

"I'm sorry, Brad, but I'm saving eye-contact for that special someone."

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

"You've got to learn to let go."

"I think we should each try other beers."

"Honestly, I'm not sure I even know who every one of you are anymore."

'Well, if you really want to know...you will meet a short, pale and ugly man...'

"In this YouTube tutorial, I'm going to show you how to be alone with yourself."

"I'm not sure I'm ready to date again. I'm just coming off a bad mitosis."

A woman buries her broken heart

"I need a hug."

'I couldn't run away with you. I feel I would be depriving a village of its idiot!'

'Right now I'm on a 'man diet'. No more boyfriends until I lose twenty pounds.'

"You came back!"

Sleep Clinic. ZZZZZZ. We can tell a lot about somebody's sleep by the sounds they make. This subject is experiencing normal, restful sleep. YYYYYY. He's having fitful sleep because his girlfriend dumped him. MMMMMM. It looks a lot like he's having a dream about a delicious meal. BBBBBB. This gardener is having a nightmare about disturbing a hive. And what's happening here? I think he's look forward to "talk like a pirate day"! RRRRRR.

"Then one day he said, 'It's either me or the damned cat!'"

Carol sensed some negative vibes from her date when he pulled out a laptop and began perusing other women's profiles.

"I feel like Brunnhilde, but in 'The Kentucky Cycle.'"

"Of course we'll still be friends...."

"Oh, god. . . not another night at home watching Ingmar Bergman films!"

"I'm a dish, not a bowl. This was never going to work."

Ducttape Man! I'll mend your broken heart!

"You lying fink! Your dating profile specifically stated you were a non smoker!!"

"Don't ever give up, Marjorie. I never thought I'd meet anyone either."

'It's over'