Dealing With Breakup Pillows

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

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'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

"I always spend New Year's surrounded by loved ones."

"Only time can heal a broken heart, Brenda, and fortunately I have the time, every Thursday at three o'clock."

A man sews broken hearts back together.

"Don't wait too long for Mr. Right or you'll end up with Mr. What's left!"

"I'm sorry, Brad, but I'm saving eye-contact for that special someone."

'I don't believe in blind dates... the last time I got fixed up I got neutered.'

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

"You've got to learn to let go."

"In this YouTube tutorial, I'm going to show you how to be alone with yourself."

'Well, if you really want to know...you will meet a short, pale and ugly man...'

"I'm not sure I'm ready to date again. I'm just coming off a bad mitosis."

A woman buries her broken heart

"You came back!"

"Could you just make it a little awkward for a few weeks?"

'Right now I'm on a 'man diet'. No more boyfriends until I lose twenty pounds.'

Boyfriend Shirt.

'I couldn't run away with you. I feel I would be depriving a village of its idiot!'

"The curse has been set – your ex's shoes will now squeak in the quietest of settings."

Ducttape Man! I'll mend your broken heart!

"I'm a dish, not a bowl. This was never going to work."

"Of course we'll still be friends...."

"You lying fink! Your dating profile specifically stated you were a non smoker!!"

"Oh, god. . . not another night at home watching Ingmar Bergman films!"

"Okay, these are the documents we need to sue your ex for child support, and if we can convince the court it's not too out off line, to have the words, 'lying, cheating b*****d' tattooed on his forehead."