Couple With A Pet Gifts

'No doubt about it - he'd make a lovely Home Guard dog!'

Things to do: 1. Sit 2. Stay 3. Sit 4. Stay

'Super Dog'

"You can stop pulling, you knucklehead—I took your leash off ten minutes ago."

"No I said fetch , not wretch.."

"Cat-astrophic Trifecta" "I pooped in Mona's Jimmy Choo handbag." "I knocked over grampa's ashes." "I buried a Barbie in the litter box."

Chasebook

"Odd, since neither of us overfeeds her by even the smallest amount."

"...and yet it doesn't quite capture his thoughtful, contemplative side."

Pet Entertainers

'Marm doesn't understand, 'I've got it, I've got it'.'

Snooze buttons for cat owners

'My owner is feeding me way too much organic food.'

Unbeknownst to most, dogs are actually greedy bastards searching for gold,

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

"Me, I think Master and Mistress are incompetent: why else would they need a butler, 3 maids, 2 cooks, 5 gardeners, a pool boy and 2 personal assistants?"

Dog History

'Dog Show' 'Worst breath winner'

'They used to call me 'Fluffy', but it's been 'Lucky' ever since I survived the spin cycle.'

'Well, it's kind of an IV enema!'

"Yes, you were in a breech position, and it was the first time I was really pleased to see the vet..."

"Yeah, going to the dog park is good, but I must prefer a more intimate walk with my Master..."

'Have you seen little Spotty?'

"Fetch! What about a please?"

'He's not big enough to use the toilet yet.'

'you just don't get the idea of being a watchdog, do you?'

'Well, would ya look at this, Martha? The dog's stealin' our cable. I told you this breed can't be trusted.'

'Go ahead, open it. It's a ball.'

"I think you better let me drive, I haven't renewed your license yet."

"I have to bring him with me otherwise he wouldn't let me indoors."

His master's voice

'Hello, is that Dugdame and Son's, the plumber?'

'It all started with them sending me outside to do my 'business'.'

"That's impressive, but I asked you to roll over."