People With Pets Gifts

"Your karma has run over my dogma!!"

Things to do: 1. Sit 2. Stay 3. Sit 4. Stay

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

'Super Dog'

"There's something about ripping the stuffing out of a toy that turns me into a wild dog. I'm afraid I actually like that feeling."

I'm beginning to regret buying that Roomba.

"Nice family you’ve got there. Too bad if anything were to happen to them."

"You're completely screwed up."

Chasebook

'My owner is feeding me way too much organic food.'

'You see, we don't have any children, so he's kind of our baby.'

"Odd, since neither of us overfeeds her by even the smallest amount."

"...and yet it doesn't quite capture his thoughtful, contemplative side."

"Oh just ignore him!...he always shows off when we have visitors!"

Dogs Aren't/Are Just For Christmas

"Me, I think Master and Mistress are incompetent: why else would they need a butler, 3 maids, 2 cooks, 5 gardeners, a pool boy and 2 personal assistants?"

Man walking a dog is passed by a runner carrying a baby on her hip.

Should I bark? Flow chart for dogs

"So tell me, Wallace. Has someone gobbled up my Viagra again?" "No. Wait. I thought they were delicious candy mints!"

"Now how did she know?"

"Honestly, I prefer stick."

Dog History

'A vet!! Take Princess to a vet?'

'He's hoping to get out on appeal.'

"Oh f*ck yes. Let's make these f*ckers live for-f*cking-ever."

"If you don't make up your mind who's taking me out, I'll do it right here."

"We've done it Agnes. We're living the dream."

"Have you consider the possibility that I don't want the paper?"

'I've finally learned to delegate.'

Homemade dog biscuits.

"Must we discuss your worming right before dinner?"

"Yes, you were in a breech position, and it was the first time I was really pleased to see the vet..."

'Vet clinic? I'd like to make an appointment for a physical. It's been seven years.'

"Mittens, this is what John Muir would call 'a charming little poem of wilderness.'"

'Perhaps you'd like to explain this,'