Country Dancing Pillows

'Do you smell something burning?'

"Do-si-do, I said! DO-SI-DO!"

Scot country dancing,

Scotsman playing the fiddle.

"This is my new country song I wrote about my self-driving truck leaving me..."

'Cock-a-doodle-do!'

Songs about Texas, next 1100 miles.

"It's God's country, if your god wears camouflage and dips tobacco."

Bashful in Nashville

'I took your advice and got a long little doggy.'

"Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're our only hope."

'I can't write cheating songs because my wife's too insecure.'

"I'm putting you on country music."

'Woke up this morning found someone had stolen my guitar...'

For every moment in life there is a song that describes it perfectly.'

"I'll be broadminded up in heaven, but here on earth you're still a whore..."

'I'll never forget the night I saw you across the crowded room of a dusty ol' honky tonk.'

"This is Kevin. Kevin was uncool before uncool was cool."

A-Hem! I'm still singing here!

The return of Miss Subways

"Well of course you're depressed... You're a country and western singer."

"The harmonica! Boy you're lucky, my cowboy plays the double-bass! I tell you what, it's a pretty awkward thing to carry around..."

Supply was out of harps.

'The grass is always bluer to a banjo pickin bovine!'

Hip-Hopalong Billy Bob blamed the censors for killing the country-rap scene.

Where the deer and the antelope play.

Here's a little number I wrote from bitter personal experience...

'This next song is called Reindeer farts in my face all night.'

Music from the moon.

Cowpunk

Ray Price, Willie Nelson, Merle Haggard

"Not tonight, hon—I've got a heartache."

Flat Cap and whippet

"I'd better get a hit country song out of growing up this way."