Country Classic Gifts

Flat Cap and whippet

"This is my new country song I wrote about my self-driving truck leaving me..."

'Cock-a-doodle-do!'

Songs about Texas, next 1100 miles.

"It's God's country, if your god wears camouflage and dips tobacco."

Bashful in Nashville

'I took your advice and got a long little doggy.'

Elvis Presley

'I can't write cheating songs because my wife's too insecure.'

"Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're our only hope."

"I'm putting you on country music."

'Credit being what it is, I'm sure you won't mind if we see your 200,000 cattle first...'

For every moment in life there is a song that describes it perfectly.'

"I'll be broadminded up in heaven, but here on earth you're still a whore..."

A newspaper stand in a rural area.

'Woke up this morning found someone had stolen my guitar...'

'You had me at OOOO-AARRR!'

'I'll never forget the night I saw you across the crowded room of a dusty ol' honky tonk.'

"Well, the hills were alive with the sound of music...I'm sure!"

"This is Kevin. Kevin was uncool before uncool was cool."

"Well of course you're depressed... You're a country and western singer."

"I came all the way from Alabama just to see you, Susanna. Why in tarnation are you cryin'?"

"The harmonica! Boy you're lucky, my cowboy plays the double-bass! I tell you what, it's a pretty awkward thing to carry around..."

"Year after year we sit here quietly raising eyebrows, son."

Supply was out of harps.

"And now, Bach's Brandenburg Congerto Number One, first movement."

Hip-Hopalong Billy Bob blamed the censors for killing the country-rap scene.

Lawyers Ridin' The Range: 'Happy trials to you, until we meet again!'

'The grass is always bluer to a banjo pickin bovine!'

Where the deer and the antelope play.

Music from the moon.

This'n song here, "She Done Me Wrong 'n' That Ain't Right," goes out to my high school english teacher.

'This next song is called Reindeer farts in my face all night.'

Ray Price, Willie Nelson, Merle Haggard

"Not tonight, hon—I've got a heartache."