Counseling Curious Pillows

Good shrink, bad shrink.

'He's only interested in weather forecasting, whether I will or whether I won't!'

"You've got an inferiority complex, alright, but what's worse is...it's not a very good one."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

'Thanks to the internet it is now possible to be extremely well-informed and completely wrong at the same time!'

"I recommend that you two find a way to spice up your shelf life."

'I don't know...they all look like cows to me.'

Do Guns Kill?

'Mona Lisa, would it make you happy if I gave you a foot massage every night?'

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

"There! Now we're getting somewhere."

"Tell me more about your imposter syndrome."

Personal Relationship Counsellor

'Typical bloody man, you've no idea what loyalty means...it's just self, self...self!'

"Did you honestly expect our couples therapist to know when Jacoby Ellsbury will be off the disabled list?!"

'Therapy in L.A.'

"Who cares what little kids think? What's important is that you believe in yourself."

'So, when did you first realise that you fancied me rotten?'

"The words 'complete screwball' are not in my vocabulary."

Counselling Cash.

Psychiatry. Ordinary therapeutic techniques have been unsuccessful, but I have a crazy idea that just might work!

"Gorg, you've got to let yourself evolve!"

'First, I'll give you my side of the story...then, the wimp will give you his...'

'Mummy, what's a daddy one of those called?'

"I couldn't afford health insurance, so I became a Christian Scientist."

'But Slinky, you knew I threw hissy fits when you married me!'

'My wife doesn't understand me.'

'It's not just his insane jealousy - he also insists on choosing all my clothes.'

'I think Mr. Teddy's getting too dependent on me.'

"He doesn't like dinosaurs."

Weight of the world on your shoulders.

'I know we're supposed to be Lovebirds, but a bit of privacy from time to time would be nice...'

God hounded by the media.

'It's all right. You're allowed to get up on this couch.'

'I thought being married to a rodeo clown would be more fun.'