Couch Potato Historian Gifts

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"He's got no clue how easy he has it compared to his ancestors."

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

Bowled over again!

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

"Honey, do these sweatpants make me look like I prefer we stay in tonight so I can watch the game?"

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

"It's an update from the people tracking us. According to this, we haven't gone anywhere or done anything."

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.

Where the Appalachian Trail Crosses the Path of Least Resistance

"Well, the remote's not dowmn the back of the couch."

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

American Idle.

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

"I'd go with you, but I'm a non-sporting breed."

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

'Do you realize that we're sitting in a prefabricated house, eating precooked dinners, and listening to Chris Matthews' opinions?'

'It's midnight, do you know where your brain is?'

'I met him on a Monday and my heart stood still (would you believe?)')

'The anger management is working... tonight there were fewer veins popping.'

'Have you seen me?' (Brain missing in TV viewer)

Love is when you watch television together.

"At some point, there's only so high you can raise the volume before you admit you're never gonna understand what British detectives are saying."

'You don't want weather? Not a problem! How about sports, or maybe a nice movie? We can do that! Just put that thing down and let's talk, OK?'

"Clive used to be an astronaut."

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

"Er...nothing much has happened yet today...."

'Och lye the news'

'Football...Beer...Popcorn...that is Bernie's Stimulus Package.'

"Would you get me a beer from the refrigerator? Just grab one of the cans on the top shelf. Come on, I do so much for you—all these years, the walks, the food, the chases... Come on! Never mind."

Succession 2

Tunnel of TV