Couch Potato Enthusiast Gifts

'Where does the teacher get this? Wilbur shows no motivation in class!'

Newpaper reads: Cable Out - 1000s forced to read.

"Arlen keeps bragging about running 26 miles. What he fails to tell people is that it took him eight months to do it."

"Herb, your brain is being recalled. Says here it can get stuck in neutral."

"In search of America's laziest man..."

'Can you do something for my teenage son? He's afraid of hard work.'

"Let's see what's going on in the world."

"He started off with a lazy eye and it spread to his whole body."

'He wouldn't let go of his chair.'

"He's fine, Ma'm."

Sofa Change Machine.

'I cut the grass once, but it grew again.'

'I wish to lose all excess weight.'

"I'm tying to avoid the missteps of early success."

'I wish you wouldn't bite your nails.'

Peace inactivist

'It can't be worth much.'

'See-he likes his chin so much he's added two more!'

"I don't think that lifting the remote control counts as exercise!"

'Making a To-Do List is on my Bucket List.'

Bill often considered cutting his armpit hair, but then he'd need to buy carpeting.

"Might be a good idea. . . but does it involve me getting out of the chair?"

American Idle

'I feel so... lethargic. Well, I would be if I could be bothered.'

'Well, whoever named us wildlife sure didn't live with you, Bernie!'

"Are you still in your original packaging? I've been thinking about returning you."

'You may not believe it now, but when your father was young, he was a mobile device.'

"The public's taste in entertainment has certainly changed."

"I'm thinking of donating him to charity."

'You're ahead of your time-it says here we're gonna be a nation of fatties by 2020!'

Wife about hubby: 'He's all woogie, no boogie.'

'Dear, for your information, the term 'Couch potato' is offensive. We prefer to be called 'Media Consultants.''

"Is it Christmas Eve yet?"

"Honey, do these sweatpants make me look like I prefer we stay in tonight so I can watch the game?"

"Lift your stems."