Couch Monarch Pillows

"I have to admit. You talked a good game."

'I married him for his money and believe me I earned it.'

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

'How about a game of cards?'

"Surprise!"

TV-Man

'At least he isn't into drugs.'

'John is watching the game under protest.'

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

'I'm a work-at-home dad.'

Lazy Rower.

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

'He's in training for the marathon, he watches it every year.'

"The point of going outside is the feeling when coming back inside."

Get a Life

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

'You'll have more luck getting the sword out of the stone than getting the remote control out of his hand.'

"Shouldn't you boys be out fighting crime somewhere?" "Yeah, yeah, whatever." "I could use another beer while you're up." "I ain't goin' on no airplane!" "Anyone pay the cable bill?" The A-Hole Team

"There's got to be an easier way to lie around the house."

"It's time to get the couch gutters cleaned again."

'Next on News 7...GM offers to bail out the government in the event of a shutdown...'

Are they dangerous? Only if I shut off the tv.

Colin attempts to be useful around the house didn't always have the desired effect.

"There's the remote!"

'You went to obedience school and you're still not allowed on the couch? What a gyp.'

'He hibernates between superbowls.'

"We've just crossed the line between binge viewing and OCD viewing."

'School sports day - fat boys playing computer game'

Naughty kids watching TV and telling their slack dad to go back to his kennel.

"This is for all the things you have already heard about via social media."

There is no limit to the amount of nonsense that men can talk about football.

"Of course, I can reign from anywhere in my kingdom."