Couch Confessor Pillows

'Why don't you try going home and rearranging the furniture?'

'I've been talking to my imaginary friend Carlos about this, and he thinks you're the wrong doctor to treat my delusional syndrome.'

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

"I had the left dream again last night - where I wait forever for help to arrive, and when it does, he has no idea what to do."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"The batteries in his TV remote died. The shock of not being able to use it for two minutes has put him in a temporary state of shock."

Studies show foods work miracles!

TV-Man

'Seriously. You have to get one of these.'

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

'At least he isn't into drugs.'

"Honey, I can't go to the gym today. I feel too out-of-shape."

"Can you hypnotise me into being in shape?"

'well, Fred, I see you're finally embracing technology.'

"C'mon, you can do this! Be the sock!"

Trivia Night in Apartment 8-G

'Very well, I'll introduce you. Ego, meet ID. Now get back to work.'

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

"Goal!"

Binge Watch

"And next up, Fairy Tales: FolkLORE or FolkLIES!"

"You're overthinking it. Sometimes a belly rub is just a belly rub."

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"

'The doctor said you need more exercise, so I've hidden the remote control.'

"I wish I could lay there all day watching funny cat videos..."

"It's a beautiful day. I should go for a walk. . . Oh, now my neighbors are all out there."

"Scientists confirmed today that everything we know about the structure of the universe is wrongedy-wrong-wrong."

"I really like this one – but I'm afraid of getting hurt again."

How to be a Dynamic Over-achiever

I don't want to go out, I just want to stay in.

'As your financial advisor, I'd have to advise you to change your main income provider,'

"Tom, let's explore why you feel Andrea's inability to understand 'icing the puck' is passive-aggressive."